……….Of my freezer, that is.
With a little time on my hands, I decided to give my freezer a good sort out before the weather gets too cold, and I think to myself “I’ll wait until the spring when it begins to warm up” again. To be honest, I don’t think it’s been done for well over a year because I can remember thinking about doing it, and failing to execute, around about this time last year. I had no idea what I’d find. I mean, my cat could be storing mice in there, ready for the winter hibernation shortage, for all I knew. I wouldn’t put it past her after her most recent “show of affection” in the shape of a vole being dumped on the freshly cleaned carpet outside my bedroom door. My son keeps bloodworm in there for the axolotl, so I’m kind of hoping they haven’t migrated from the ice tray, where they are supposed to stay, to anywhere near the human food. And, I’m pretty sure my dog thinks the freezer is a canine vending machine because, every time the door is opened, precious, jewelled, snacks in the form of frozen veg come rolling out onto the floor for him tuck into. After all, what dog wouldn’t love a sweet frozen treat, mid afternoon, whilst his human cooks delicious meals that he won’t get to sample?
So into the freezer I went, pulling out plastic wrappers containing the freezer burnt remnants of occasionally unrecognisable meat and poultry. As there are only 3 of us in the household, and no packets of meat come in three’s, (note to supermarkets: families don’t come in even numbers anymore), the left over pork chop or chicken breast gets shoved in a freezer bag and shoehorned into a drawer to use “at a later date”, because I refuse to throw food away or allow that slaughtered animal to have died for the purpose of scavenger foxes to drag their flesh out of my food waste bin, spreading the rest of the contents across the street for all of the neighbours to see. Nope! They will go into my freezer, to be completely ignored and forgotten about until they are no longer fit for human or animal consumption.
In the deepest, darkest corners of the freezer, amongst the peas, diced carrots and the occasional hair that throws me into total anguish at its pure presence, I find a quite shameless array of vegan products. Long out of date vegan products, left over from when I tried veganism on for size, for about 3 months, a couple of years ago. It didn’t fit so I sent it back with no exchange or refund. Admittedly, I love vegan food but these particular products did not do plant-based eating any justice at all. I don’t understand why people process naturally growing produce, add more salt than the Bonneville Flats and shape it to look like meat when there are so many delicious vegetables out there. Well, now my vegan sausages and soy mince do no justice at all, as any kind of food, with the ice clinging so tightly to their outer sides, they look drier and more unappetising than ever. But at least I have the peace of mind that no animals were harmed in the binning of these products. Unlike a few pigs and chickens who lost their most juicy bits in the great freezer cull of 2021. RIP
I begin to make myself a promise: “I, Cleo, being of sound mind, do hereby state that I will never forget what’s in the freezer, I will keep a list of what’s in there at all times and consult that list when planning my weekly meals. I will label and rotate all contents weekly and all vegetable bags will be tightly sealed, once opened, before returning to the appropriate drawer. (Sorry dog)” This will be my new mantra. This time, now I’ve said it out loud, I will keep my freezer organised.